Quote of the moment
The Vamp Explains
How do I get ’em when girls who are prettier
Sulk in the shadows without any beaux?
How do I hold ’em when frills who are wittier
Sit on the side-lines in suitorless rows?
Baby, it’s simple:
I giggle and dimple,
Bug-eyed and thrilling
At what they are spilling.
Then—and it works with the clever or blunderful—
This is the hook and the line and the bait:
“Oh, you are Wonderful!
My, you are Great!”
Strong silent dumb-bell or keen intellectual,
They’re all the same to the dame who is wise.
Always the worshipping pose is effectual;
Always they fall for the awe in your eyes.
“Oh!” them and “My!”them—
It’s sure to get by them.
Greet with rapt cooings
Their words and their doings.
Cave-man or chorus-man, poor man or plunderful,
All of them eat up that stuff by the plate.
Tell ’em they’re Wonderful!
Tell ’em they’re Great!
Never waste time on a line that is humorous;
Girls who are “brilliant” are left on the shelf.
See that your gasps and your “splendids” are numerous—
Keep the poor simp all wrapped up in Himself.
Do it with finish,
And then—when you’re wed—
You can diminish
The size of his head.
But, with the tame or the wild and the thunderful,
Till you have reached that connubial state,
Tell him he’s Wonderful!
Tell him he’s Great!
— Berton Braley