Upbeat Cynicism

what do you mean i lost my mind?

A note

with 13 comments

I haven’t been posting, because I have a hard time writing when emotionally drained.

For a small, small taste of what I have been putting up with privately, Herself, whose real name is Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, publicly (and falsely) accused me of statutory rape (link removed, she has since deleted the post, but it was public; I duplicate it here to defend myself, as well as to expose just how out of proportion her treatment of me is as measured against the mistake I made):

Ian Michael Hamet is a statutory rapist. He admitted that he once fondled a 17-year-old chink when he was 7 years older. He is not as decent as he thinks and as you think. That is all.

I initially rebutted her on that post, but she is a huge fan of Soviet revisionism, altering text and inventing facts to suit whatever her mood happens to be; so I shall post my response here, where she cannot change it. ((Since writing this paragraph, she has sent the entire post down the memory hole. The first thing she did was to alter my rebuttal to a false admission made in my name. ))

The age of consent in the state where it occurred, Michigan, as well as most other states in the US, is 16. Therefore, whatever occurred was not statutory. Herself knows this, but doesn’t care.

The young lady was perhaps a month shy of her 18th birthday when I was briefly involved with her. Herself may or may not know that, but wouldn’t care.

No intercourse occurred. So whatever happened, it could not possibly be characterized as rape. Herself knows this (though she tried hard to ignore it), but does not care.

Thus, the charge is without any basis in fact, and she knows it. Nevertheless, she will not remove it, she will not admit that she is wrong, and she will never, ever apologize.

The racist epithet is nothing new from her, either, as evidenced by her lovely recent comment on this blog:

Oh, I’d be the happiest bitch on earth if you wrote that fugly gook that email. YOU just don’t want me to be happy, plain and simple. And what do you know what makes me happy? I probably lied about it, rightright.

She excoriated me for approving that comment but not another made at about the same time, but I have warned her several times. I disapprove of using public blog comments for private messages, and she keeps trying them anyway. The other comment was also sent as an email. Since that one was sent properly, i.e. privately, I simply deleted the comment. But, since the above comment was only made as a comment, I called her bluff and made it public. She unleashed more fury on me for it, saying it was entirely my fault, and that I was trying to make her look bad. Since I didn’t write the thing, and have approved it unaltered, I leave the matter of who is responsible for making her look bad as an exercise for the reader.

Here is the email she’s talking about, as demanded in a chat from May 2007:

[S]end her a [message] telling her she’s a vitenamese hocheese. Nothing else, no mention of me, no nothing. And I want a screenshot to prove it. Ok, I gtg. Bye, my love. Have a good night sleep. 😀

(“Hocheese” is a word that Herself apparently invented, meant to suggest “whore” and simply be offensive and cruel.)

Herself does have some legitimate reason for anger, but only at me. I maintained a correspondence with the lady for a few months, unknown to Herself and against her wishes. While I had my reasons, I was wrong to do so. I ended the correspondence on my own — which, for some reason, is cause for even more anger ((This is a point which makes no sense to me — if she is angry that I made the mistake, which is what she maintains, then shouldn’t the fact that I ended the mistake of my own free will, without coercion of any kind, lessen the error, or alleviate it to some extent? It does not, she hates me even more for it, and I cannot fathom why. )) — before Herself ever knew of it. And once she did know, I apologized, fully and completely. The kind of apology that starts with “I was wrong”, not the phony “I’m sorry you are too stupid to have understood what I really meant” kind. The other lady was in no way responsible for my actions, and what happened was entirely my fault.

(Contrary to Herself’s assertions ((In case she engages in more Soviet revisionism, here is the content of that Twit:

He doesn’t want his readers to find out what he had done to me. So to them, I would always be the bad guy.

)), the reason I did not previously relate the above story was not to keep myself from looking bad, it was because the matter was private, and thus I did not discuss it publicly. She refuses to understand or acknowledge that there is anything that should be kept private. Except, of course, when I approve intemperate comments she has made on a public forum. A secondary reason was to keep her from looking bad. Now that she has forced the issue, I have related the essentials of the wrong I did, and she is proven wrong once again.)

I refused to write any such email, of course. She maintains that this “proves” that I put this other lady (with whom I have had no contact in about a year and a half) above Herself.

What it actually demonstrates is that I have principles and adhere to them. One such principle is that I do not use racist epithets, for reasons that I should think are obvious. Another is that I do not hurt people unless necessary, or that person has done something to earn it. ((And even then, I have a rather long history of taking more pain on myself than I pass on, something that she knows very well, but will not admit, because it might make me look good. )) Appeasing Herself’s irrational whims is not necessary in any sense of the word, and the individual she wants me to hurt has done nothing to deserve it.

From anyone else in the world, the mere use of a word like “chink” would end my friendship with her.

In Herself’s case, I do my best to take such emotional outbursts in stride, and rebuke them gently when I think she is open to hearing it, because she grew up in an emotionally abusive environment, and simply does not know any other way to deal with her pain and anger.

However, publicly accusing me of a crime, with full knowledge that the accusation is false, is out of bounds. There is no excuse for such irresponsible and slanderous remarks. So I am exposing her just as publicly as she made the accusation, in a forum where she cannot delete or alter what has been said.

This is, again, a mere taste of what she has been subjecting me to directly and privately. In the past, she would have a bad week or two, and then behave as a responsible adult for weeks or even months before reverting back to this sort of thing. This time it has been more or less constant — pure hostility and venom from the very beginning of September to this moment, without relief.

When I maintain that she will say anything at all in order to hurt me, I am not exaggerating. Truth and reality are of no import to her, only her feelings, no matter how wrong they lead her.

Yes, I should probably leave her.

But I won’t.

First, I don’t think any other man on the planet could tolerate her through even one of these emotional pyrotechnic displays. She very clearly needs help, and how can she get it if someone won’t weather her at her worst? Since I love her, and can tolerate it (though not without protest), I abide.

And, perhaps pettily, she has been trying to manipulate me into leaving her, and I won’t give her that satisfaction. She keeps declaring that she’d be happier if I left her, but she won’t do it herself, for whatever reason.

In any event, she has gone so far out of bounds in the baseless and slanderous accusation, that I now demand, publicly, that she make a full and complete apology for her words, without any attempt to shift blame to anyone other than the person who wrote them and posted them for all the internet to see.

As she never apologizes, and certainly never in the honorable and complete fashion I require, I imagine that I have a long wait ahead.


Written by [IMH]

14 October 2008 at 8:35 pm

13 Responses

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  1. How do you know that nobody else can tolerate my behavior? How do you know something like that? It’s like saying nobody will ever love me after you. Who knows, maybe he’s in Maryland, or one of my Twitter and Plurk friends, or Dr. Suave. Maybe with him, I wouldn’t have to act the way I do with you, because he wouldn’t hurt me like you had, or he could hurt me as much as you had, or worse, but it wouldn’t hurt as much because I wouldn’t love him as much I had loved you. But I will find him, or he will find me.

    Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, Maryland RN license no. R188912

    15 October 2008 at 7:40 am

  2. You accused me of a crime, falsely and in public. That’s beyond intolerable, that’s the sort of thing that gets people sued or prosecuted. There is no reason, no excuse, no anything that can justify such a heinous act.

    That I am still giving you any kind of a chance at all is a testament to my tolerance.

    Ian Michael Hamet

    16 October 2008 at 4:40 pm

  3. Then don’t, Ian. I’m not begging to be forgiven and be given a chance. I’m just fine. I know I’ll be fine.

    I already apologized, even if it didn’t meet your conditions.

    Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, Maryland RN license no. R188912

    17 October 2008 at 2:42 am

  4. Yeah, an “I’m sorry, BUT” apology. Which means you’re not sorry at all.

    It’s funny, for a woman who hates the Chinese sooooooo much, you sure act Chinese.

    Ian Michael Hamet

    17 October 2008 at 6:49 am

  5. I’m sorry I called you a rapist. I only said it because I was angry and hurt. Which is true.

    Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, Maryland RN license no. R188912

    17 October 2008 at 7:02 am

  6. That’s a start. Now you need to make clear that your anger and hurt did not make what you did right in any way, on any level, and to apologize for your racist remarks.

    Ian Michael Hamet

    17 October 2008 at 7:20 am

  7. It was wrong.

    Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, Maryland RN license no. R188912

    17 October 2008 at 8:03 am

  8. And you are now just that much closer to doing the right thing.

    It doesn’t need to be like pulling teeth, you know. You can just do the right thing at one go, instead of in baby steps.

    Ian Michael Hamet

    18 October 2008 at 7:42 am

  9. I dunno. I don’t really mean it, but I’m starting to feel sorry for you.

    Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, Maryland RN license no. R188912

    18 October 2008 at 8:04 am

  10. And you haven’t answered my question.

    Roanne Jean Isidro Valenzuela, Maryland RN license no. R188912

    18 October 2008 at 8:24 am

  11. So make the full apology, then.

    I mean, you want me to talk to you, you’ve got to make the apology. To my satisfaction.

    You’ve not done that yet.

    Ian Michael Hamet

    18 October 2008 at 8:58 am

  12. […] is on top of last autumn’s melodrama, in which she falsely accused me of statutory rape, for no reason other than she wanted to “get back” at […]

  13. […] she falsely accused me of statutory rape, and had that blow up in her face, Roanne Valenzuela did not do what any rational and sane human […]

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