Upbeat Cynicism

what do you mean i lost my mind?

Slave of the Cannibal God, 1978

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Oy. I am not a fan of Italian horror films, and have specifically avoided Italian cannibal movies because I know for certain that they go way past my comfort levels as a viewer. But Slave of the Cannibal God was not supposed to be too bad, and it featured Stacy Keach (before he became a sight gag) and Urusula Andress, supposedly with some naked time for her.

Well, it didn’t even deliver that much. Miss Andress got scanty, but no more than that (perhaps in the uncut version, Mountain of the Cannibal God, but I’m never going to bother to find out). The story is thin on incident, long on padding, and most of the characters end up being utterly vile, for no better reason than to give the story a twist or two. (Stacy Keach is not vile, and might have had an interesting character to play, if they hadn’t killed him off for no good reason before there was a chance to pay off an intriguing set-up.)

Ursula Andress comes to Indonesia (or somewhere thereabouts, anyhow) to mount an expedition to find her husband, who disappeared on an expedition into the wilderness. She brings along her brother (who is portrayed not so much by an actor as by a perpetual sneer), and they recruit Stacy Keach, who both knew her husband and knows more about the area in which he disappeared than anyone else.

They go into the jungle with some native guides, avoid government interference (they are somehow doing something illegal, I don’t recall what, and I ain’t gonna watch it again to find out), not much happens, then they come upon a christian mission and hook up with Stacy Keach’s twin brother. (Okay, they’re not related at all, but dang they look alike.) It’s revealed that Keach’s character actually lived with the rumored cannibal tribe, and was a cannibal himself (against his will, it’s implied). There’s an attack, the religious man leading the mission banishes them for bringing violence and death, they move on.

Before reaching the cannibal tribe, little brother (the sneer guy) lets Stacy Keach die. It turns out that Andress is bad, not caring about her husband, only about the uranium mine she thinks he found, which will make her and little sneer rich. Because of this, Keach had to die, I guess. Anyway, the cannibals appear, kill little brother, make Andress into a slave-goddess (she was their god’s wife, they discover on seeing a picture of her and her husband, so she must be a goddess; she also must be bound, so that she does not run away), eat little brother as well as offer some little-brother-morsels to the goddess (she partakes). Then Keach-twin and Andress make their escape. The end, more or less.

It’s far from the most disgusting movie I’ve ever seen. It’s nowhere near the most boring I’ve ever watched. But there’s just nothing to recommend it, at all.

If you don’t want to take my word for it, though, it’s on the fairly spiffy Drive-In Classics 50 Movie Pack, which has other very good reasons for you to buy it, which we’ll get to at some point or other.

You can also get it on the Horror 250 Movie Pack, if you really want to bulk up your collection.

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Written by [IMH]

16 June 2008 at 4:05 pm

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